its an abyss, there is no beginning and no end
and we are all caught up in it
falling through ths deep chassis
loving and hoping and crying and feeling and doing and being
but whats with being, why are we being what is it to be being
we feel inadequacy one moment and with a tune it ebbs away and you feel something else, suppressed tears replaced in an instant by a unexpected smile you never know you would
and the phone rings and you stop everything and check the inbox in timid anticipation, of the unknown wishing it would bring a much needed change to your never ending hopeless routine you fall by in place everyday, its not hard to predict tht it would be nothing afterall, just as it has been all along so why does the sinking feeling of disappointment hover about your heart then a friend asks you an irrelevant question tht breaks ths mindless never grasping chain of thoughts and mindlessly like an automaton you give a vague answer and it flashes again and you wonder why do you even bother but if you behave otherwise it makes no difference, dying and being.
i dont want to run away ive got to find the strength to carry on and faith has brought me thus far and i will and must not lose sight of it i need it to carry on many nights later ths is so obsolete waiting and wondering staring at the blank distance for lifes sake pls let me understand to stop pondering in vain my eyes are growing tired my head is getting heavy im only eighteen im already eighteen yearning still for perfection ths very idea ths concept tht you have never even encountered ever before and sdnly ths jealousy from somewhere deep arises and you want to be her but you think about it maybe not my mind is mindless everything is just flashing through and im getting older every second im such a fool does it have to be so complicated to be lost in ths labyrinth wht am i talking about im going to bed dreams take me to a different place but isnt it just your subconciousness taking control instead and its the same ol. such a fool (:

10:10 PM